This Is My Story

Three years ago, I was dumped by the man I thought I was going to marry.

We’d been dating for two years, and had plans for a wedding, kids, and buying a house – the works!

So when he looked into my eyes after a long conversation about our future and said, “I just can’t do this anymore,” I was totally dumbfounded.

I couldn’t believe it—how could he just end the dreams, the promises, everything?

I tried to rationalize with him. I screamed and I cried. I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I even begged him to reconsider. But there was nothing I could do.

I was dumped. And to make matters worse—I was kicked out of the place I’d called home for the last year!

All my clothing, pots and pans, books and even my curtains were thrown into cardboard boxes and garbage bags and hauled into a new little apartment on the other side of town.

There, I “celebrated” my 35th birthday on my hands and knees, scrubbing the floors like Cinderella without her Prince Charming.

In the mornings, I’d wake up with what felt like a 50lb weight of loneliness sitting on my chest. I couldn’t take a full breath. I’d literally roll out of bed, crawl to the floor, and curl into the fetal position in child’s pose, sobbing. I cried until there were no more tears left.

All the while, I couldn’t stop obsessing about my ex–How could he do this to me? How could he lie to me, make promises that he couldn’t keep? How could he disrespect me, and disrespect our relationship?

I blamed him for everything. Annoyingly, that didn’t make me feel any better.

But who else could I blame for being single and lonely at 35 years old, when all my friends were getting married and having babies?

Reluctantly, I turned my attention toward myself. Ugh. I didn’t like what I saw

Looking back at my failed relationship, I realized I could have been kinder. I could have said things differently. For the first time, I saw that I’d done something terribly, terribly wrong:

I dated him for years, and yet…I wasn’t attracted to him.

I never was. And the most hurtful part is that he could feel it.

I saw that I’d tried to be kind and accepting toward him. I’d tried to convince him and myself that he was the right person for me.

But in the end, I hadn’t been kind at all. I’d been hurtful. And it was the real cause of our break-up.

But if he wasn’t the right person for me, who was? I had no idea.

To find out, I began a journey of FIERCE SELF-LOVE

Instead of dwelling on all the things I’d done wrong with my ex, I chose to focus on what I’d done right.

Day after day, month after month, I started to believe in my own unique value in a relationship. I imagined that I could be a woman that men would fight to be with, not dump unexpectedly.

From that confident place I gave myself permission to ask, “What do I really want?”

Going further, I made up a fun little experiment where I “tried on” different men (in my mind). ☺

What would it be like to come home to that cute guy in a suit reading the Wall Street Journal on the 6 train?

What would my life be like with the rocker guy at the bar?

Or the artist who passed me on the sidewalk?

Or the guy with the laptop at the coffee shop?

As I visualized my life with each one of these men, I realized that ‘Yes! I do clearly know what I want.’

Realizing this, my whole body filled up with the feeling of real love

And I felt compelled to find someone to share it with because I couldn’t bottle it up anymore.

After only 2 online dates, 3 match-maker dates, and one set-up, I found him!  

And I’ll tell you this—from the moment I saw my future husband on our first date, I heard a voice inside my head say, “Ooh, I like the way he looks.”

Fast-forward to today: I hear that voice every day of our fairytale love. (OK, I admit it–sometimes I still scrub the floors. But I don’t mind because my Prince Charming does the cooking.)

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